The GMGap Blog

Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children
is the best way to ensure that they live a happy, successful,
and responsible life as an adult. Here are ten ways to help your
kids attain a high degree of emotional intelligence:

1.Model emotional intelligence yourself

Yes, your kids are watching very closely. They see how you
respond to frustration, they see how resilient you are, and they
see whether you’re aware of your own feelings and the feelings
of others.

2.Be willing to say “no” to your kids

There’s a lot of stuff out there for kids. And your kids will
ask for a lot of it. Saying no will give your kids an
opportunity to deal with disappointment and to learn impulse
control. To a certain degree, your job as a parent is to allow
your kids to be frustrated and to work through it. Kids who
always get what they want typically aren’t very happy.

3.Be aware of your parental “hotspots”

Know what your issues arewhat makes you come unglued and what’s
this really about? Is it not being in control? Not being
respected? Underneath these issues lies a fear about something.
Get to know what your fear is so you’re less likely to come
unglued when you’re with your kids. Knowing your issues doesn’t
make them go away, it just makes it easier to plan for and to
deal with.

4.Practice and hone your skills at being non-judgmental

Start labeling feelings and avoid name-calling. Say, “he seems
angry,” rather than, “what a jerk.” When your kids are whiny or
crying, saying things like, “you seem sad,” will always be
better than just asking them to stop. Depriving kids of the
feelings they’re experiencing will only drive them underground
and make them stronger.

5.Start coaching your kids

When kids are beyond the toddler years, you can start coaching
them to help them to be more responsible. Instead of “get your
hat and gloves,” you can ask, “what do you need to be ready for
school?” Constantly telling your kids what to do does not help
them to develop confidence and responsibility.

6.Always be willing to be part of the problem

See yourself as having something to do with every problem that
comes along. Most problems in families get bigger when parents
respond to them in a way that exacerbates the problem. If your
child makes a mistake, remember how crucial it is for you to
have a calm, reasoned response.

7.Get your kids involved in household duties at an early age

Research suggests that kids who are involved in household chores
from an early age tend to be happier and more successful. Why?
>From an early age, they’re made to feel they are an important
part of the family. Kids want to belong and to feel like they’re
valuable.

8.Limit your kids access to mass media mania

Young kids need to play, not spend time in front of a screen. To
develop creativity and problem-solving skills, allow your kids
time to use free play. Much of the mass media market can teach
your kids about consumerism, sarcasm, and violence. What your
kids learn from you and from free play with others will provide
the seeds for future emotional intelligence.

9.Talk about feelings as a family

State your emotional goals as a family. These might be no
yelling, no name-calling, be respectful at all times, etc.
Families that talk about their goals are more likely to be aware
of them and to achieve them. As the parent, you then have to
“walk the talk.”

10.See your kids as wonderful

There is no greater way to create emotional intelligence in your
child than to see them as wonderful and capable. One law of the
universe is, “what you think about expands.” If you see your
child and think about them as wonderful, you’ll get a lot of
“wonderful.” If you think about your child as a problem, you’ll
get a lot of problems.

Having a high IQ is nice, but having a high “EQ” is even better.
Make these ten ideas daily habits and you’ll give your kids the
best chance possible to be happy, productive, and responsible
adults.